Everywhere Eventually

So then I wondered... What else could iTunes tell me about Eurovision?

2011-05-09T22:28:00.009+01:00

Re-writing Eurovision History

Using iTunes tonight to tell me which are my favourite Semi Final tracks for Eurovision 2011 got me thinking. I have the CDs for the last 10 years on iTunes...

What could this piece of software tell me about my favourite tracks from years gone by. If it had been up to me, who would have won each year? Am I at all in tune with the European voting public? Have the winning tracks stood the test of time?

So this post takes each of the last 10 years and tells you which track from Eurovision I have listened to the most over the years which have followed... The results have been interesting, sometimes surprising and also a little bit revealing.

2002: SLOVENIA, Sestre: Samo Ljubezem

If only Scooch had realised that Slovenia had already been there and done it better. While Marie N scored a surprise win with 'I Wanna' for Latvia, iTunes reveals that Slovenia is my favourite from 2002 with hosts Estonia in second and a bunch of game old boilers from Sweden in third.

What I especially like about the Slovenian performance is that they come on to boos and leave to a standing ovation. Go Slovenia!

2003: RUSSIA, t.A.T.u: Nye Ver, Nye Bosye

OK so they didn't sing it well live. Screech more like. The whole 'are they or aren't they' lesbian thing was tedious to us in the West, but the booing at the start of their performance casts their attempt to stand up as gay icons in homophobic Latvia was actually ground breaking and brave. Again they finish their song to resounding cheering.

On the treadmill at the gym on full volume this track has got me to keep going for three more minutes on many an occasion and has been listened to far more often than the winner, Turkey.

2004: SWEDEN, Lena Philipsson, It Hurts

I will never ever forget Lorraine Kelly saying that this was a song about 'the love that dare not speak it's name'. Listen to the lyrics with that thought in mind and you can't disagree!

istanbul 2004 was the first Eurovision that I went to and I remember nothing of this song on the night. I have a vague memory that I was standing next to a Swede who belileved that this song was going to win. I remember dismissing it on first hearing as typical Scanda-pop. Clearly I am a fan of the sound as this has notched up twice as many listens as Ruslana's winning track for the Ukraine.

2005: ISRAEL, Shiri Maimon, Hasheket Shenish'ar / The Silence That Remains

After a blistering run of good form there was a definite feel about 2005 that it was Greece's turn to win. Elena Paparizou's song, outfit and performance reeked of an immense determination to win Eurovision and she romped home with a landslide win. My Number One is one of my favourite tracks and maybe my favourite Eurovision winner of all time.

So imagine my surprise when I find that I have listened to this unassuming but powerful ballad from Israel more times than the winner! I remember on the night dismissing this as a retro-ballad that would have won in any year of the 1970s. I remember dismissing Shiri as a Farrah-Fawcett wannabe. But over the 6 years since, it is the song from the year that I come back to.

2006: ROMANIA, Mihai Traistariu, Tornero

The winner from 2006 is my 31st favourite song from the year according to iTunes, yet on the night I cannot deny that I wanted Lordi to win as much as everyone else in Europe!

Time and my inner disco-bunny have left Mihai and his insistent throbbing baseline as my favourite from Athens. One big surprise in watching the video to this tonight... He's about 40 years older than I would have thought.

2007: CYPRUS, Evridiki, Comme Çi, Comme Ça

Veterans from the 1994 Contest, Evridki were one of the hottest of hot favourites going into the 2007 Contest. Cyprus must have thought they were well on their way to victory with all the hype and betting surrounding their chosen act. But drawn third in the Semi Final, this track fell at the first hurdle and did not qualify for the Final night.

In the end, Molitva won the night for Serbia. Marija Serifovic ties with France and Ukraine as my favourite tracks from the night of the Final.

2008: TURKEY, Mor ve Ötesi, Deli

Deli is not just my favourite track of 2008, it is by some distance the single Eurovision track which I have listened to the most. Bad news for Ani Lorak. The second most listened to Eurovision track on my all time list, was from the same year. Now is it just me or does this man have the most snoggable lips in Eurovision history?

2009: PORTUGAL, Flor-de-lis, Todas As Ruas Do Amor

I was surprised when I did my eve of Eurovision iTunes check in 2009 and found that Portugal was my favourite song at the time. Two years and it still is my favourite from the year with Turkey in a close second place. While Turkey is more typically Eurovision, I think that this cute Portuguese song is just a breath of fresh air in the contest.

2010: RUSSIA, Peter Nalitch & Friends, Lost & Forgotten

Well this shows you cannot judge a song on first impressions gauged from grainy video provided by the Russian national broadcaster alone. I dismissed this song within 10 seconds of the opening bars on first listen. The wonderful comedy in the lyrics and staging, the beautiful lilting tune, the voice, the photo, the snow, the sighing all added up to an act of pure unadulterated Eurovision genius.

I know there are those who rank this as the worst Eurovision song ever, but iTunes does not lie and I have listened to this track marginally more than the winner Lena, but more than twice as often as my third favourite, Lithuania.

There you have it then...

9 years and none of my favourites were actual winners! What do my 9 favourites say about me? A drag act, some punky lesbians, a song about sodomy, a power ballad, a disco floor-filler, an angst-ridden bit of Hellenism, a hot Turk with an indie vibe, a Portuguese song as sweet as a tart de nata and a bit of comedy folk action. In short, my kind of night out!

So now it's time for a drumroll please... Having demonstrated a taste in music which has been shown to in no way be a reflection of the wider voting European public, what is my most listened to song of 2011? I am either setting myself up for a huge disappointment or for once in a decade, as Jade Ewen once sang, it's my time...

2011: UNITED KINGDOM, Blue, I Can

With 10 more listens that Germany's foxy little number, I have absolutely fallen for this track and these boys. With 13 million record sales across Europe in their career and a bag full of Number One tracks, there is a strand of British Eurovision fans who have been given exactly what they wanted in Blue representing the UK (me included). If we come last with this we may as well pull out. Whether Blue can bring home win number 6 for the UK, we have only until Saturday to find out.

Eurovision 2011: Calling Semi Final 2

2011-05-09T19:22:00.006+01:00

Good evening Europe!

We have reached Eurovision Eve! And thanks to the wonders of iTunes this means we can now have a look at how many times we have listened to the Eurovision songs of the year and plan how to vote!

For those of us foolish enough to commit our first impressions to the Blogosphere it is also possible to see how right and how wrong we were.

Below then are my Top 10 Tunes from Eurovision Semi Final 2

12 points: Belarus - 54 listens
10: Bosnia & Herzegovina - 47
8: Holland - 40
7: Austria - 38
6: Latvia - 35
5: Estonia - 34
4: Slovenia - 33
3: Moldova - 32
2: Romania - 27
1: Sweden - 26

Non-Qualifiers
Slovakia - 25
Denmark - 24
Cyprus - 24
Bulgaria - 20
Ireland - 18
Israel - 15
Ukraine - 13
Macedonia - 13
Belgium - 3

All change!

My first impressions of this semi-final had Denmark, Bulgaria, Slovakia, and Israel all in positions to comfortably qualify. In reality the songs have not appealed to me when I had the chance to listen to them. Why not? Because in the case of Denmark, Slovakia and Israel they are fairly lame songs.

In the case of Bulgaria I can only offer an apology. I wanted to listen to Na Inat more. I wanted to like it better... But for some reason most times the track came on I chose to skip it. For shame everywhereventually... for shame.

Holland, Latvia, Romania and Sweden were the big gainers over the last month, and some were bigger gainers than others...

Holland and Romania's songs are cheerful and upbeat and inoffensive without being too bland.

Sweden was always likely to make it into my Top Ten but nonetheless I still can't say I love it and Eric is certainly a walking definition of slappable.

Latvia's lyrics were originally the cause of my scorn are now seen in the everywhereventually household as being rather fabulous... who wouldn't want to be loved by luscious thighs after all?

Before you leap to the comment bank, Belarus is a bit of a surprise to me too... Yes, I have seen and heard the rehearsal videos. Yet there is something silly and fun and rather rampant about this song which I think will come across well to a giddy audience of 35,000 Eurovision fans in a stadium. Disagree with me if you like... In 2006 my favourite song was Croatia's Moja Stikla, so what do I know?!

Ireland only got so many listens I think because I foolishly left my iPhone in the hand of a Jedward-mad friend for 20 minutes!

Belgium the big 'nul points' of the year.

Eurovision 2011: Calling Semi Final 1

2011-05-09T18:30:00.008+01:00

Good evening Europe!

We have reached Eurovision Eve! And thanks to the wonders of iTunes this means we can now have a look at how many times we have listened to the Eurovision songs of the year and plan how to vote!

For those of us foolish enough to commit our first impressions to the Blogosphere it is also possible to see how right and how wrong we were.

Below then are my Top 10 Tunes from Eurovision Semi Final 1

12 points: Georgia - 55 listens
10: Hungary - 51
8: Serbia - 48
7: Poland - 44
6: Croatia - 41
5: Azerbaijan - 37
4: Albania - 36
3: Iceland - 35
2: Russia - 30
1: San Marino - 27

Not Qualifying
Switzerland - 26
Armenia - 22
Finland - 22
Norway - 21
Malta - 17
Turkey - 15
Lithuania - 10
Portugal - 10
Greece - 10

The first thing that strikes me about my iTunes list is that it is actually very consistent with my first impressions. Norway has been replaced with Russia in my top 10 and that is the only change. Norway turned out to be too saccharine to be listened to. Albania has dropped down the ranking... Aurela turned out to be too shouty to be a real favourite.

One thing I am surprised by is that I have listened to the bottom 3 on 10 occasions each. I don't remember having subjected myself to them more than once!

The Tree That Started A War

2011-04-02T09:54:00.003+01:00

After a bitter and bloody civil war which lasted for 30 years, Eritrea finally gained de facto independence from Ethiopia in 1991 and de juré independence in 1993.

A sense of independence comes in many forms and for many, the currency is a strong symbol of national identity and independence. After independence Eritrea continued to use the Ethiopian currency, but by 1997 they were ready to launch their own.

Perhaps it was the decision to link the currency at parity to the Ethiopian Birr which enraged the Ethiopians. Perhaps it was the decision to name the currency after the town which had been the Headquarters of the Independence Liberation Army; Nakfa. Perhaps Ethiopia had simply not psychologically accepted Eritrean independence as a fact and thought they could continue to dictate policy in the region.

Whatever the most important of these factors, the launch of the Eritrean currency was a catalyst for a complete breakdown in relations between Eritrea and Ethiopia and a brutal and bitter war was fought along their border. A border which has remained closed ever since.

So what does this tree have to do with all this?

In rural communities the enormous span of this tree makes it an ideal place for people to gather to socialise; to discuss important matters; come to decisions and to share stories of the ancestors. So it was seen as the perfect symbol for the 5 Nakfa note. And this is the very tree that features on the note.

Stupidly I didn't think to photograph a note while I was in Eritrea... It is a currency which cannot be exchanged or brought out of the country either.

How Do You Write UK In Tigrayan?

2011-04-02T09:52:00.003+01:00

...Or any other European country for that matter?

Drop your left ear to your left shoulder...

2011-04-02T09:49:00.002+01:00

...See the letter 'F'?

It stands for Fascisti and this building was the headquarters of the Italian Fascist Party during the occupation.

The Duomo of Florence...

2011-04-02T09:47:00.002+01:00

...In Asmara.

The architectural legacy of the Italian occupation is apparent in all sorts of ways.

A Lonely Planet Front Cover Waiting To Happen?...

2011-03-27T20:31:00.003+01:00

...Or just another one of my nearly pics?

A Man Made Landscape

2011-03-27T20:13:00.003+01:00

Eritrea has been home to a human population for approximately 55,000 years.

And put into that context it is maybe not surprising to realise that almost the entire country has been literally shaped by human hand.

This terracing was evident everywhere that we went. Though deforestation and reduced precipitation mean that very little of it is now kept in good repair or used for agriculture.

Application for Head of Eritrean Tourism Marketing

2011-03-27T19:53:00.005+01:00

Maybe it's just me, but as the minivan came round the corner I expected it to stop and for us to be ushered out to marvel at the natural phenomenon of the landscape that looks like a sitting lion.

If Eritrea had the same Tourism Marketing as Japan then this would be called 'The Lion of Eritrea'. It would have a visitor's centre and a ranking on the 10 best visual landscape effects in Eritrea list.

Of course if Eritrea had an Irish Head of Tourist Marketing it would also have it's own AV as well.

Unmistakably...

2011-03-27T19:51:00.001+01:00

...the litter of war.

The School Run

2011-03-27T19:44:00.003+01:00

We stopped off at a small village on the run from Keren back to Asmara.

The locals spoke a language which neither of our drivers understood so I'm not sure anyone knew what we were doing apart from a little bit of cultural exchange.

It was lunchtime at the local school so we were mobbed by several dozen kids all building up the bravery to say 'hello' and 'how are you'. We terrified and fascinated them in equal measure I think by taking their photos and showing them themselves on the digital display screens. The way that some of them pointed at the screens and then at themselves in wonderment made me wonder if they had seen themselves before. When we were invited into two of the thatched huts by the locals I certainly didn;t see any evidence of a mirror anywhere.

And then we heard a bell ring in the distance and the kids all screamed and ran off and we resumed our journey.

Eritrean Institute of Agriculture

2011-03-27T19:38:00.003+01:00

How do you grow crops in a country with little water, arid soil, sudden floods and dry season temperatures in excess of 40 degrees celcius?

Good questions, and ones which they are trying to answer at the Eritrean Institute of Agriculture.

We saw different irrigation and furrow methods being trialled here as well as different crops and grape varietals being tested against the conditions.

We also learned about the different sorts of cattle that can prosper in East Africa. European cows don't do so well for example because they have too much subcutaneous fat and get too hot; hence the reliance on goats for milk and dairy produce.

Midday: 45 Degrees

2011-03-27T19:25:00.002+01:00

You'd cling to the shade too!

Easy To Spot

2011-03-27T19:23:00.002+01:00

One striking thing about Eritrea is how brightly the women dress.

I don;t know if I had been expecting something else.

Or perhaps in the sunshine the colours shimmered luminously. Either way, the colours of the fabrics were dazzling.

Another village...

2011-03-27T19:22:00.003+01:00

...another blue dome.

This one appearing through the early morning mists on the road out of Keren.

The Early Bird...

2011-03-27T19:18:00.002+01:00

... Catches the petrol.

While we saw ready supplies of home grown food and other produce being traded in Keren, Eritrea suffers from fuel poverty.

De-forested as the country is, the place is fed through the use of gas burning stoves. With only one semi-functioning port acting as a bottleneck on supply, queues for fresh fuel start early on delivery day.

Keren Fruit Market

2011-03-27T19:14:00.003+01:00

The Keren Fruit Market had been busy during the day.

As had the grain and vegetable markets we had seen too.

At sunset a peace settled over the city after a day of heavy bartering in all quarters. From our rooftop restaurant all we could hear was the occasional birdsong, the occasional car horn and the screams of playing children.

Keren Sunset

2011-03-27T18:34:00.001+01:00

At sunset the Catholic Cathedral makes a little bit more sense.

The vile reflective blue glass mellows and is reminiscent of the blue domes that scatter the countryside.

The Wishing Tree

2011-03-27T18:27:00.002+01:00

Look carefully at the base of the tree.

Can you see the gap?

Inside is a shrine to the Virgin Mary. By tying some fabric to the tree you are able to make a wish. It is meant to be particularly lucky for single women who are looking to wish themselves a husband.

The Commonwealth War Graves: Keren

2011-03-27T18:21:00.003+01:00

Another corner of a foreign field which is forever England.

In contrast to the Italian War Graves, the British and Indian forces graves were all named.

They were also all mixed together. Respected in death as they fought in life.

Ascaro Ignoto

2011-03-27T18:09:00.004+01:00

The Italian War Cemetery was divided into two sections.

The side to the left had the names of the fallen on the gravestones.

Those to the right had gravestones with ‘Ascaro Ignoto’ carved into them. 'Unknown Soldier'

To the left the cemetery was reserved for Italians. To the left lay local troops who fought for Italy in the Second World War. Their names were never considered important enough to be recorded for their families or for history.

Cultural Diversity Day

2011-03-27T18:06:00.002+01:00

I asked what the photo was of.

The photo was of 9 kids on a stage in different dress. I was told it was a photo of the school’s Cultural Diversity Day. Every year the school celebrates the 9 different ethnic groups of Eritrea and this culminates in an assembly.

I thought this was interesting because we do something similar in my own school in London.

Special Needs Inclusion In Eritrea

2011-03-27T18:05:00.003+01:00

The deaf school in Keren is the only one in Eritrea.

It has day students and also boarders. The waiting list is so long that students in a Year 1 class can be as old as 14.

Not only do the students learn how to sign, read and write their own language, they also learn how to read and write and sign English.

This is because all of their Maths and Science text books are available only in the English language.

How much does a camel go for?

2011-03-27T17:36:00.002+01:00

Turns out it is over £1000.

I don’t know why it came as a surprise that a camel would have that value but it did.

When we asked what camels were mostly used for it turns out that if you see a man with a camel, he is probably running an illicit trade in smuggled goods across the border with Ethiopia.

A camel loaded with black market cigarettes is worth it’s own weight in one trip.

The Goat Market

2011-03-27T17:32:00.002+01:00

The goat market is a spin off side show to the Camel Market in Keren.

We were told that when the goats are outnumbered by people it's the sign of a bad year gone by.

Welcome to the Keren Camel Market

2011-03-27T16:56:00.002+01:00

At one time this would have been a broad and full river.

The riverbeds in Eritrea are now mostly dry and are commonly used as fast track roads for camel herding and walking.

Moving from town to town which had settled along their banks, these dead and dying rivers provide the fastest routes from A to B.

Market day at Keren Camel market is much anticipated and this baby camel had a great view of arriving herds.

The Only Way To Travel

2011-03-27T16:06:00.000+01:00

The goats are sitting down now…

They won’t be when the vehicle is doing 50mph along the highway.

We saw many tethered goats balancing uncertainly on top of fast moving vans.

Wickers World?

2011-03-27T16:04:00.001+01:00

Market Day at Keren brings a lot of traders out selling their home made goods.

A Definition...

2011-03-27T16:03:00.002+01:00

...of an Eritrean Car Park!

Keren Market

2011-03-27T15:56:00.004+01:00

Monday is market day in Keren.

90% of Eritrea was once covered in woodland but it is now an almost completely de-forested country.

A UN planting operation is trying to re-forest the country. It is now unlawful to cut down new wood.

Scavenged wood is therefore a prized commodity and wind fall and damaged branches are collected, bundled and sold in markets such as this one in Keren.

Eritrean Road Signs

2011-03-27T15:47:00.002+01:00

Warning!

Pregnant farmers crossing!

Keren's Catholic Cathedrals

2011-03-27T15:10:00.003+01:00

Keren is the largest city in the North of Eritrea.

In the mid ground of this shot is the spire of the old Catholic Cathedral. Dominating the hill behind it is the new Catholic Cathedral.

Since when did new money equate with taste?!

Rural Living In Eritrea

2011-03-27T14:55:00.002+01:00

Thatched rooves and stone fires.

A sure sign you have come across a goatherder's home.

Calm Down Dear, There's 50,000,000 More To See!

2011-03-27T14:48:00.003+01:00

I travelled to Eritrea as part of a group.

Group travel comes with it's pros and it's cons.

One pro is that you get to see far more in a limited amount of time than you could organise for yourself.

One con can be the other people. And the trip to Eritrea had one such person.

Apart from the burned out vehicles and the blue domed houses of faith, the Eritrean countryside is also rich in two things: Aloe Vera plants and cacti.

When we concluded the first day of travel from Asmara to Keren without stopping for an explicit cactus photo opportunity this one member of the group had a fit. Shouting at our Tour Guide and demanding a specific stop the next day.

Anyone would have thought we hadn't passed 50,000,000 of the blasted things!

Another familiar sight

2011-03-27T14:45:00.003+01:00

The countryside of Eritrea is not just littered with vehicles.

Peeping out from the undulating terrain you come across main blue domes. Beautiful in their cerulean shades they are oases of colour amidst the scrub.

Evidence: But of what?

2011-03-27T14:40:00.004+01:00

Leaving Asmara you are left with a puzzle.

Are these burned out wrecks the apparent legacy of 30 years of civil war?

Or the more prosaic evidence of a country of low driving standards?

Asmara: City of Faiths

2011-03-27T14:10:00.003+01:00

Eritrea is not a religiously homogenous country.

One of the first places in the world to convert to Christianity, respect for all faith is a very important part of the Eritrean psyche.

In this shot are the gates of the Coptic Church. In the background is the spire of the Catholic Cathedral and the minaret of Asmara's largest mosque.

A must-see petrol station?

2011-03-27T13:28:00.006+01:00

It's not often that you are excited about seeing a petrol station.

Asmara, capital city of Eritrea, saw something of an Art Deco building boom during the Italian occupation of the 1930s.

The Italians left many legacies from architecture to cuisine.

This extraordinary double wing on this Fiat Petrol Station is pretty eye catching. The fact that the petrol station is closed for business due to a lack of petrol was our first taste of how the shortages Eritrea's trade embargo affect day to day life here.

Country 74: Eritrea

2011-03-27T12:54:00.006+01:00

As I get ready to go to Ethiopia it seems appropriate to reflect on my travels through it’s neighbour, Eritrea in April 2009.

To say neighbour is perhaps to put too friendly a connotation on the relationship between these two countries. Eritrea is for the moment Africa’s newest country. It became independent in 1993 after a bloody 30 year long civil war with Ethiopia. After a brief honeymoon both countries appeared to be working together. But a brief but bitterly fought border war has turned into a paralysing frozen conflict.

Eritrea has only a tiny land border with Djibouti which is open and a near derelict port providing access to global trade. With access severely curtailed I was fascinated to visit such an isolated and little spoken of corner of the World.

Eurovision 2011: Final Ranking #1

2011-03-27T11:02:00.004+01:00

Good grief!

And so here we are. My top 10 ranked songs from each semi final alongside the Big 5 in the final of my imagination.

In a tie for first place I would give the win to Georgia.

I think in retrospect that I have overmarked Albania. I am sorry Amaury-lovers but I'm just not a fan of the French entry.

I am glad to see the Big 5 songs are genuinely of a quality to make the final under their own steam.

I doubt enormously that this will be anything like the actual final scoreboard!

98 Georgia: Eldrine 'One More Day'
98 Germany: Lena 'Taken By A Stranger'
95 United Kingdom: Blue 'I Can'
91 Albania: Aurela Gaçe 'Feel The Passion'
90 Hungary: Kati Wolf ‘What About My Dreams’
89 Serbia: Nina 'Magical'
87 Poland: Magdalena Tul 'Jestem'
86 Austria: Nadine Beiler ‘The Secret Is Love’
83 Belarus: Anastasiya Vinnikiova ‘I Love Belarus’
82 Slovenia: Maja Keuc ‘No One’
78 Moldova: Zdob și Zdub ‘So Lucky’
76 Spain: Lucia Perez 'Que Me Quiten Lo Bailao'
75 Estonia: Getter Jaani ‘Rockefeller Stereet’
72 Denmark: A Friend In London ‘New Tomorrow’
69 Bulgaria: Poli Genova ‘Na Inat’
68 Slovakia: Twiins ‘I’m Still Alive’
68 Italy: Raphael Gualazzi 'The Madness Of Love'
62 Iceland: Sjonni’s Friends ‘Coming Home’
61 San Marino: Senit ‘Stand By Me
61 Azerbaijan: Ell / Nikki ‘Running Scared’
60 Bosnia Herzegovina: Dino Merlin ‘Love In Rewind’
59 Norway: Stella Mwangi 'Haba Haba'
59 Israel: Dana International ‘Ding Dong’
50 Croatia: Daria ‘Celebrate’
21 France: Amaury Vasilli 'Sognu'

There will be two more final ranking updates. On the day before I go to Eurovision I shall ask iTunes to rank the number of plays I have given each song. I imagine that Georgia, Moldova and Hungary may come out on top of that list, but will Austria or San Marino get more than the one listen?

After I get back from Eurovision I'll update my take on the songs on the night... there''s nothing quite like hearing the flat tones and missed notes up close and personal to transform your opinion of a song!

Eurovision 2011 First Impressions #5

2011-03-27T10:05:00.012+01:00

Here are my first impressions on this year's competitors in the Eurovision Song Contest. These songs will be performed by the 'Big 5' only in the Final on Saturday 14th May 2011.

The Big 5 sing in the following slots on the night of the Final:
11 France
12 Italy
14 United Kingdon
16 Germany
22 Spain

France Amaury Vassili ‘Sognu’ 21/100

He's got a set of lungs on him and no mistake. And il Divo do sell records.

But Slovenia and Sweden have both tried this sort of Aria-Eurovision crossover before with a diminishing success rate.

Drawn just before the advert break, Europe has ample scope to put the kettle on while this guy does his stuff.

To discover this week that France is the 5/1 favourite to win has come as a surprise to be honest. I recognise the quality of the voice from a man who has spent his life classically training his vocal chords as an instrument. I just don't see people picking up the phone to actually vote for this.

But what do I know? I said EXACTLY the same thing about Germany last year!

Italy Raphael Gualazzi 'The Madness Of Love 68/100

Italy have chosen a song that didn't make the grade for the soundtrack of 'The Talented Mr Ripley'?

This is an OK track of it's genre. It has a certain smokey jazz club quality and oozes Italian charm. And if the Eurovision was still held in theatres then this may come across well and could have stood a chance of picking up some votes.

Sadly since Italy was last in the Eurovision the event has moved into 35,000 seater auditoria and I don't see this playing to a stadium at all. Perhaps it will look and sound better on TV? I hope so or at 2 minutes and 56 seconds, Italy's return to Eurovision will be the shortest lived comeback in history.

United Kingdom Blue 'I Can' 95/100

My first impression was that this song lacked a certain oomph and was not a winner.

Then I listened to it a few more times and have seen a general on line 'buzz' about Blue's return. I have also had a listen to all the other songs and this stands as good a chance as any. The draw is not great, but it's not a guaranteed losing slot like second!

And now I am beyond viewing this dispassionately so I shall move on.

Douze points!

Germany Lena 'Taken By A Stranger' 98/100

Lena returns as the defending champion. A defending champion looking for revenge against a mankind that done her wrong.

She won the Song Contest convincingly last year singing a song about her life existing only as a satellite revolving around the man who had stood her up on a date.

2011 sees her slinking around as a reinvented sex kitten blindfolding strangers and leaving them wanting more the next morning.

"Can't help it if you like it cos I won't be here tomorrow
No one ever told you that you wouldn't be rejected."

Is the subtext that Lena will spend her life making all men pay for the crimes of the man that broke her heart when she was 19? In some way, aren't we all a little bit like that? But then we don't all seek to play out our psycho-sexual dramas in front of 350,000,000 people.

Europe: Beware the woman scorned!

PS I fucking love this!

Spain Lucia Perez 'Que Me Quiten Lo Bailao' 76/100

Cheerful, perky, cute, inoffensive and drawn 22nd.

It will still struggle to come in the top half of the leader board because for some reason Europe just doesn't vote for Spanish songs.

Eurovision 2011: Semi Final 2 Ranking

2011-03-27T09:50:00.004+01:00

Blimey!

First impressions on the second semi final ranking suggest that I like nothing here as much as I do from the first semi. My Top 5 from Semi Final 1 all scored more points than anything here. Perhaps the greater competition for the final positions 6-10 may come from this Semi Final.

The second thing I have to grudgingly notice is that Europe will not judge Ireland or Sweden nearly as harshly as I do and both songs will probably qualify. Bosnia, Israel, Slovakia and Bulgaria should be nervous.

Beyond that I don't think there are any real shockers in the top or bottom half.

86 Austria: Nadine Beiler ‘The Secret Is Love’
83 Belarus: Anastasiya Vinnikiova ‘I Love Belarus’
82 Slovenia: Maja Keuc ‘No One’
78 Moldova: Zdob și Zdub ‘So Lucky’
75 Estonia: Getter Jaani ‘Rockefeller Stereet’
72 Denmark: A Friend In London ‘New Tomorrow’
69 Bulgaria: Poli Genova ‘Na Inat’
68 Slovakia: Twiins ‘I’m Still Alive’
60 Bosnia Herzegovina: Dino Merlin ‘Love In Rewind’
59 Israel: Dana International ‘Ding Dong’

57 Cyprus: Christos Mylordos ‘Sab Aggelos S’Agapisa
49 Latvia: Musiqq ‘Angel In Disguise’
47 Belgium: Witloof Bay ‘With Love Baby’
45 Romania: Hotel FM ‘Change’
45 The Netherlands: 3JS ‘Never Alone’
43 Ukraine: Mika Newton ‘Angel’
15 Sweden: Eric Saade ‘Popular’
12 Macedonia: Vlatko Ilievski ‘Rusinka’0
00 Ireland: Jedward ‘Lipstick’

Eurovision 2011: Semi Final 1 Ranking

2011-03-27T09:29:00.005+01:00

Gosh.

Ranking the songs always provides an interesting perspective on what you've been listening to.

First of all it is clear that I see five clear winners in this Semi and two true catastrophes.

Second I was surprised to see San Marino, Azerbaijan, Norway and Croatia making it into my Top 10 qualifiers. When I look at the bottom 10, I don't really see any threats to the 10 I have picked out though.

It would not surprise me if Russia, Armenia and Finland made it through, though it would be more down to a sense of diaspora voting and for Finland sappy sentimentality rather than merit.

98 Georgia: Eldrine 'One More Day'
91 Albania: Aurela Gaçe 'Feel The Passion'
90 Hungary: Kati Wolf ‘What About My Dreams’
89 Serbia: Nina 'Magical'
87 Poland: Magdalena Tul 'Jestem'
62 Iceland: Sjonni’s Friends ‘Coming Home’
61 San Marino: Senit ‘Stand By Me
61 Azerbaijan: Ell / Nikki ‘Running Scared’
59 Norway: Stella Mwangi 'Haba Haba'
50 Croatia: Daria ‘Celebrate’

49 Armenia: Emmy 'Boom Boom'
43 Malta: Glen Vella ‘One Life
40 Russia: Alexey Vorobjov 'Get You'
23 Switzerland: Anna Rossinelli 'In Love For A While'
21 Finland: Paradise Oskar 'Da Da Dam'
18 Lithuania: Evelina Sašenko ‘C’est Ma Vie’
14 Turkey: Yüksek Sadakat 'Live It Up'
02 Greece: Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike ‘Watch My Dance’
01 Portugal: Homens Da Luta ‘Luta é Alegria’

Eurovision 2011 First Impressions #4

2011-03-26T09:50:00.005Z

Here are my first impressions on this year's competitors in the Eurovision Song Contest. These songs will be the last 9 to perform in the Second Semi Final on Thursday 12th May.

Macedonia Vlatko Ilievski ‘Rusinka’ 12/100

There's a typical Balkan urgency to the baseline as this song starts up.

When I say typical I mean identical. If anyone can spot the musical difference between Macedonia 2011 and Serbia 2009 then I'd love to know. They are definitely of a template if not essentially the same song. Despite it's dreadfulness this may well make the final just as Serbia did.

Israel Dana International ‘Ding Dong’ 59/100

I suppose Glamazonian Transexuals are allowed to be boring too. Such a shame Dana International didn't enter in 2007 with Love Boy...

Slovenia Maja Keuc ‘No One’ 82/100

Balkan torch ballad meets Anastasia in a dingy bar in downtown Ljubljana!

When I first heard this in Slovenian I thought that the English language version would blow me away. Her inability to sing out any word ending in 'd' or 't' annoys me though. Perhaps because she is not yet used to singing it in English the vocal performance is certainly weaker than it was. The song closes very strongly. With a good draw this could be worth a punt at 40/1 for a Top Three finish.

Romania Hotel FM ‘Change’ 45/100

There is always a moment when reviewing one of the semi finals when I think "ONLY 9 of these will be eliminated?"

And I have just reached that moment with this S Club 7 B Side. This is fracking awful but there is a good chance I may have to see it live on the Saturday because there is little better on offer.

Estonia Getter Jaani ‘Rockefeller Stereet’ 75/100

This is the 6/1 joint second favourite to win the Eurovision?

Is this because someone at William Hill thinks this is what the people of Europe will vote for or because it has had the second largest amount of money put on it so far? Either way I have to admit that I am mystified.

It's perky and cute. I can imagine it going down well with a good draw and a powerful performance; a bit like Greece in 2008. But second most likely to win? I remain unconvinced.

Belarus Anastasiya Vinnikiova ‘I Love Belarus’ 83/100

Boney M meets Leonid Brezhnev. Surely this is what Eurovision is all about!

With a folk instrument, traditional costume and two key changes this is a song that would score heavily in the Eurovision Party drinking game. With a catchy, singalong, punch the air chorus I think this will rock the 35,000 spectators in the Dusseldorf in the way that Lithuania did in 2006. Expect it to qualify against the 150/1 odds.

Latvia Musiqq ‘Angel In Disguise’ 49/100

"Kill me with killer kiss". Kill me listening to this dirge.

I refer the reader to my earlier comments about Romania.

And a tip for the lead singer: If you're going to get a spray tan then get your hands coloured to the same tone as your face or you look like a complete div.

Denmark A Friend In London ‘New Tomorrow’ 72/100

Oh God no. An Anthem. Haven't we already suffered enough in this Semi Final?

Ireland Jedward ‘Lipstick’ 0/100

Bring back the Turkey, all is forgiven!

Eurovision 2011 First Impressions #3

2011-03-26T06:23:00.008Z

Here are my first impressions on this year's competitors in the Eurovision Song Contest. These songs will be the first 10 to perform in the Second Semi Final on Thursday 12th May.

Bosnia Herzegovina Dino Merlin ‘Love In Rewind’ 60/100

There is something about this song which screams ‘Winner’ to me.

Maybe it’s because I’m still occasionally waking up in a cold sweat about the ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Kids’ and The Olson Brothers.

There is nothing offensive about this song. It has a nice key change in it and a certain oompah sing along quality. People may feel that Bosnia is due a win and if it’s drawn to sing 24th in the Final then who knows?

But Europe, seriously, please no!

Austria Nadine Beiler ‘The Secret Is Love’ 86/100

What can I say? One of the Top 5 tracks will always be a pretty woman singing a big ballad. This combination is the most likely winner of Eurovision.

So Austria are playing the percentages in their return to the European Stage.

Short of hiring Mariah Carey or Celine Dion they have gone for a sound-a-like and this may do very well. I can’t say that I like this song terribly much but then I didn’t get Yohanna two years ago either.

The Netherlands 3JS ‘Never Alone’ 45/100

Yawn.

Belgium ‘Witloof Bay ‘With Love Baby’ 47/100

Are they called the Low Countries because their participants represent the Low Point of the evening?

Thank God Luxembourg don’t still participate or there would be no one in Europe awake for the rest of the second semi final.

Slovakia Twiins ‘I’m Still Alive’ 68/100

In the 2011 Second Semi Final Twin-Off who will come through on top?

Are the Slovakian and Irish publicists open to the idea of a public double date?

Will this Wilson Philips B Side have what it takes to win through to Slovakia’s first Final since 1998.

How disappointed were Slovakians that their best ever performance in Eurovision still only amounts to 24 points in a semi final?

All these questions and more will be answered: Week beginning 9th May.

Ukraine Mika Newton ‘Angel’ 43/100

With one win and two second places in the last 8 years, Ukraine can claim to be one of the most successful Eurovision participants in the last decade.

But after another year of voting controversy (what is it with Ukrainians and elections?!) and a frankly dull as dishwater effort I wonder if this damp squib is going to make much of an impact. But then I thought that about Dima Bilan and look what happened there.

Moldova Zdob și Zdub ‘So Lucky’ 78/100

Eastern European funk meets the Beastie Boys in a grunge bar in downtown Chisinau. Is Europe ready to be rocked Moldova style?

I expect so as Zdob si Zdub hold the record for the highest ever Moldovan finish. Who can forget the 80 year old grandmother who came on to rock Europe’s world with her drum banging. I can't wait to see who they'll roll out this year. This promises to be the most fun entry of the year.

Sweden Eric Saade ‘Popular’ 15/100

He wants to be popular and yet I hate him. For any American readers, that is irony.

He seems determined to do for Eurovision what Rebecca Black has done for Fridays.

The biggest complaint I have read online about this song is how moronic the lyrics are. 85% of the people tuning in will have no idea what he is singing. A song called Ding Dinge Dong won Eurovision once and so did another song which had the word ‘La’ in it 126 times. Since when have lyrics been the deciding factor?! Shakespearean level lyrics ain’t what Europe looks for.

My main worry about this song is for the poor floorhands who will have to brush up all of that glass before Cyprus walks on.

Cyprus Christos Mylordos ‘Sab Aggelos S’Agapisa 57/100

Moody Hellenics singing about the inevitable agony of existence and the impossibility of genuine human connection. I imagine.

The video takes an odd turn after two minutes where it looks as if Chritos is persuading his lady love to go dogging and she is running away and hiding from him and his car's headlights.

Being Hellenic I imagine it is supposed to be a metaphor for being lost in the unknowable forest of his own psyche.

Still. It's better then Greece.

Bulgaria Poli Genova ‘Na Inat’ 69/100

I always love the Bulgarian entry . There was even a moment when I thought Illusion might even pull off a surprise win.

And yet Europe disagrees with me and Bulgaria have only qualified for one final in six attempts. This is not my favourite Bulgarian entry ever but I think it is surely contemporary enough to win through?

Eurovision 2011 First Impressions #2

2011-03-25T23:11:00.008Z

Here are my first impressions on this year's competitors in the Eurovision Song Contest. These songs will be the last 9 to perform in the First Semi Final on Tuesday 10th May.

Malta Glen Vella ‘One Life 43/100

A cheerful lyric, a perky beat and an enthusiastic ‘sell’ by Glen. So why is this song so much less than the sum of it’s parts?

Like many of this year’s tracks, this song manages to sound familiar. Sticking a drag queen on the video just as the key change kicks in just looks forced. As ever Malta are just trying a touch too hard and coming across as needy and inadequate as a result.

San Marino Senit ‘Stand By Me 61/100

I still don’t quite understand why Italy’s largest open air tobacconist qualifies as a country or for Eurovision at all. The video provides lovely views of the pretty Ducal Castle from just about every conceivable angle, so job done for the San Marino tourism board.

There is little wrong with the song and this is quite a sweetly performed cute little ballad. It is the sort of thing that would have done very well in the 90s. Ireland may have won with this song twice already in 1992 and 1993 in fact.

But pity poor San Marino. Re-joining on the coat tails of neighbour Italy, I am just not sure who is going to vote for this come 12th May.

Croatia Daria ‘Celebrate’ 50/100

Poland, Croatia and Hungary have identikit Schlager entries this year. Can they all qualify from the same Semi? If one fails to do so, my money would be on this most synthesised and anodyne of the three ditties.

Songs encouraging Europe to ‘Celebrate’, just like songs encouraging Europe to ‘heal the world’ always tend to do much less well than you might imagine.

And did you notice how I made it through my little critique and didn’t mention her nose once.

Iceland Sjonni’s Friends ‘Coming Home’ 62/100

This song perhaps has the most empathetic sense of ‘journey’ to it. Sjonni’s Friends gathering around to sing his song after his untimely death struck a chord with the Icelandic voters. But will enough people in Europe know about this? I think the song will have to stand on its own merits.

And in that respect I think the chances of qualifying are good. It is a cheerful and uptempo folksy ditty. Like catching Mumford & Sons on a happy day. It put me in mind of Latvia 2005 for its simplicity and catchiness. On the one hand I would not be surprised if this did not qualify. I would not be unduly surprised if it won the whole thing.

Hungary Kati Wolf ‘What About My Dreams’ 90/100

This is the kind of song you can easily imagine being sung again at the end of the show. The Arena bouncing as one to the kicking baseline in anticipation of a visit to Budapest in 2012…

I have two words for you: Kate Ryan.

Never heard of her? The hottest of hot favourites for Eurovision 2006 she did not make it past the Semi Finals and her dead cert winner Je t’adore is now nothing more than the answer to a question in the kind of pubs that do Eurovision themed quizzes. So no wonder you haven’t heard of her.

There is always one hot favourite that falls by the way side at the Beechers Brook of Eurovision. People who have actually heard Kati Wolf sing live say this year it could be Hungary's turn… to disappoint rather than to win.

Portugal Homens Da Luta ‘Luta é Alegria’ 1/100

Tunisia and Eqypt could participate in the Eurovision if they wanted to… Perhaps if they were this ‘spirit of ‘74’ song would pick up some votes; strikingly chordant as it is with these times of Jasmine Revolution.

As it is this horrendously out of tune mess of an entry is going to go down in history as one of the least supported songs ever. I would not bet against Nul points from the Semi Final.

Lithuania Evelina Sašenko ‘C’est Ma Vie’ 18/100

You have to feel sorry for Lithuania. For some reason it just doesn’t seem to have the trendy street cred of it’s Baltic neighbours.

Tallinn? The new Prague with the €uro to prove Estonia’s growing economic muscle.
Riga? Must visit party City with a renowned ‘til dawn’ music scene.
Vilnius? Vilni-where?

Does this Euro track sums up the problem? Bland, boring, uninspiring and completely typical of most of their entries, Lithuania just has not had anything like the record of success in Eurovision that it’s neighbours have had. And this song will not improve that record. A contender for last place methinks, though with Greece and Portugal in the same semi, last place is really going to be fought over this year.

Azerbaijan Ell / Nikki ‘Running Scared’ 61/100

Azerbaijan are so into the Eurovision that they play a compilation of past Eurovision entries on the escalators and platforms of the Baku Metro.

All three of the Caucusus nations want to be the first country to win Eurovision from their region, but I think for fervour Azerbaijan actually just shades it as the most determined of the three. Certainly spending £3,000,000 on a dance routine put together by Beyoncé’s choreographer as they did in 2010 certainly lays down a marker of pretty serious intent.

That is what makes this year’s entry so odd. It is totally bland and forgettable and as a result this may be Azerbaijan’s worst entry ever.

Not that it is bad. It is just such a non-entity of a track that I forgot what the tune was while still listening to it.

Could this be a non-qualifier? I think so.

Greece Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike ‘Watch My Dance’ 2/100

Greece has managed the impossible

They have come up with an entry worse than S.A.G.A.P.O.!

This is just a cacophonous catastrophe from start to finish and comes nowhere near the ‘bad enough to be funny’ category which the sublimely dreadful SAGAPO flirts with now that a decade or more has passed.

Eurovision 2011 First Impressions #1

2011-03-22T21:17:00.009Z

Here are my first impressions on this year's competitors in the Eurovision Song Contest. These songs will be the first 10 to perform in the First Semi Final on Tuesday 10th May.

Poland Magdalena Tul 'Jestem' 87/100

Poland has been devoured by a Schlager monster. And a Schlager monster in slashed leather with a 12 certificate warning from the Polish national broadcaster!

Easily Poland's best entry since 1994 this has a great chance of qualifying. Even the Polish delegation's mystifying decision to choose to sing first after winning the Wild Card slot should not stop Magdalena making the final. Warsaw 2012? Może!

Norway Stella Mwangi 'Haba Haba' 59/100

I just don't like it.

This song didn't qualify for the Final when Severine Ferrer presented it in 2006 for Monaco. I have no idea why it is third or fourth favourite to win this time.

Albania Aurela Gaçe 'Feel The Passion' 91/100

The video looks like an advert for the Albanian Tourist Board. But why not?!

I liked this song when it was first selected (on Christmas Day I think!). Now it is in English and has been rocked up a bit I think it is amazing. Albania have a great track record of qualification and this probably will be a Top Ten contender in the Final.

Armenia Emmy 'Boom Boom' 49/100

Boom Boom, chaka chaka,

Your kisses, like-a like-a

Boom Boom chaka chaka

Are you fracking kidding me?! Potentially the sort of song that could have come Top 5 in 1984 I hope Eurovision has moved on from this trite nonsense. A disappointing show from the winners of Junior Eurovision 2010, and not likely to be the first winner from the Caucusus.

Turkey Yüksek Sadakat 'Live It Up' 14/100

I said last year that Turkey was carving out quite a niche for itself. A succession of excellent indie rock tracks were interesting, relevant and winning votes. And now they give us this dirge. Depressing, dull and uninteresting it sounds,ike Mor ve Otesi's Dad's have been let loose in their son's recording studio as a 50th birthday present.

Serbia Nina 'Magical' 89/100

"He takes my darkest thoughts and colours them yellow,

I am his woman and he's my strong fellow"

Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!

Maybe the most '60s' track ever entered into the Eurovision this song sounds fresh, cheerful and happy. I think it will do as well as the Portuguese tracks from recent years that have sounded and visually appeared bright and different on stage from everything else that we're offered. I would reckon on this making it to the Final, though perhaps not doing too well.

This clip is the video track from the Serbian selection show and dubbed with the English version of the track. Noone knows right now which language will be used on the night.

Russia Alexey Vorobjov 'Get You' 40/100

This looks like a L'Oreal Studio Line hair product advert. And sounds like Level 42's 'Lessons In Love'.

I say no.

Switzerland Anna Rossinelli 'In Love For A While' 23/100

The only benefit of Switzerland selecting their song back in December is that I had a chance to forget how poor it is before reminding myself this evening.

Out of tune and dull dull dull.

Georgia Eldrine 'One More Day' 98/100

Wunderbar! Garbage meets Elastica in a grunge bar in Old Town Tbilisi.

A must for the Final, this song will surely pick up all the votes which Turkey have made their own in the last few years.

Finland Paradise Oskar 'Da Da Dam' 21/100

Shoot me now.

Still, now he's sung this song we don't have to worry about global warming or injustice any more, so well done. Obviously Emma didn't quite manage the job in 1990.

Oh my! Umayyad

2011-01-19T00:20:00.002Z

There are things out there that you’ve just never heard of yet.

Well researched about travel opportunities as I am, I love that this is true. No matter what I think I know of the tourist hot spots of the World, there is always the potential for the unexpected to just blow my mind.

And perhaps you all knew about the Umayyad Mosque in Damascus all along. Me? I’d never heard of it at all. Perhaps that made this wonder of the Islamic world all the more stunning.

The Umayyad simply has to be the most beautiful Mosque I have ever visited.

Hammam in Baku

2011-01-19T00:14:00.002Z

While I’m on a roll I’ll cover the hammam I visited in Baku in Azerbaijan.

This was the first hammam that I had ever visited. I was curious and interested to find out what the fuss was all about.

The hammam in this picture is the hammam in the Old Town buy the Maiden's Tower which is not in use any more... But it is at least authentically an Azeri hammam!

What did the LP say about it first?
The hammam we found wasn’t in the LP guide. The ‘Aga Mikail Hammam’ was pinpointed on the map of the Old City. In finding the building, it seemed to be a former Palace hammam, turned into a number of different apothecary outlets.

Easy to find?
One day we saw a big blue sign with yellow writing saying ‘hammam’. I think it is the corner of the turn of Quliyev Kuc on the Eastern point of the Old City

Easy to enter?
Western tourists seemed to be a fascinating and unusual diversion from the norm. However an guy who seemed to be the owner had some English and managed to tell us the price for the baths and a massage.

Easy to understand what was on offer?
A dog eared plastic wrapped menu was found so we understood what was available.

Pricing:
The prices we were told about were for the hammam facilities and the massage. The soap, mitt, towels, tea and the wash down by the attendant were all extras that were added to the bill afterwards… As we had only drawn out the AZM50 (£50) we needed for what we had been told about, the guy who owned the place had to shrug and take what we had!

Welcome Room:
The reception area was down a dark corridor from the front door and was pretty dingy. A small room with a rank tang of stale cigarette smoke was divided around by the edge by changing cubicles with wooden saloon style doors. Each cubicle sat about 6 with a table in the middle which made it awkward to change.

Facilities:
Soviet sanatorium style!

There was one main room in the hammam with two cool plunge pools in the middle. Around the far side there were lots of medical style curtains on rails to partition off the massage tables. There was a large sauna to the left, a large steam room to the right and showers off to the far right. There were no washing basins at all in what I came to understand as the traditional hammam style.

Massage:
The massage was excellent. A good 25 minute thorough all over rub down with good manipulation of my dodgy shoulder.

Steam:
The steam room and sauna were typical facilities in a gym changing room.

Post hammam facilities:
Loud Azeri telly and some hot sweet tea.

There was no mummification wrapping service here. You just use the towel you are given to dry yourself and sit on it until you finished your tea.

Hammam al-Zahariyya, Damascus

2011-01-19T00:10:00.002Z

What did the LP say about it first?
In use since the 12th Century It’s clean and well looked after.

What do I say about it now?!
So great we went twice!

Easy to find?
Tremendously easy. The LP directions are spot on and it is the building with two huge spa-esque banners outside declaring the place to be the Hammam al-Zahariyya!

Easy to enter?
Very welcoming.
Descending down the steps into the main room, the attendant who greeted us was pretty fluent in English. All the attendants are clearly trained to say ‘hi’ in Arabic so I felt immediately put very much at ease.

Easy to understand what was on offer?
As you are led to the main desk we were presented with a professionally produced leaflet which offered and explained a range of hammam and lengthier massage services, offered on a bench on a mezzanine level right under the dome.

Pricing:
All prices were transparently made apparent from the start in the leaflet and no hidden extras were added on.

Welcome Room:
This is a hammam that has had a makeover in recent years and this grand high domed room is spectacular. The little details such as the perfect grouting and local decorative pieces such as the lanterns showed a real eye for design. The grand glass windows and the painted Arabic script under the large painted dome all came together to create a very professional and smart effect.

Facilities:
The hammam facilities out the back were clean but not as recently refurbished as the main room!

A small sauna was turned off. The first room behind the reception desk was the equipment room. We were kitted out with soap and a mitt.

The next room had showers with hot and cold water and two walled spaces on the floor where you get washed and scrubbed by an attendant and prepped for your massage.

The third room was the wash room and is a lot larger than the room in the al-Nureddin. With a hot marble bench running perhaps 20 feet up the middle of the room there are alcoves all around with sinks where you can squat, wash and scrub yourself. A super hot steam room is off to one side, as are two smaller private wash rooms and another larger cooler wash room with five or six sinks.

Massage:
Again done up on a bench right, the guy who did this seemed to know what he was doing a little more than the guy at the al-Nureddin. In a quick five minute blast he gave my tricky shoulder a good going over.

After the hammam was finished, I also had a 30 minute massage out in the main room. The massage area there is on a high mezzanine right under the dome so you could lie back and appreciate the stained glass in the windows. The massage was of a very good standard as you might expect at any spa facility in the UK.

Steam:
The steam room was too hot for mew to manage more than once!

Post hammam facilities:
The ambience of the place is welcoming and cheerful. After the usual towel mummification procedures, we were supplied with hot mint tea, water and a little stand to put them on. A small thing I hadn’t missed at the al-Nureddin but which made sense and showed how well thought through the services at the al-Zahariyya were.

Hammam Nureddin, Damascus

2011-01-19T00:06:00.001Z

What did the LP say about it first?
“One of the oldest and grandest functioning hammams in the country”

Easy to find?
Oddly very hard. The hammam is in a major thoroughfare in the middle of the souq and is described well in the LP. But the hammam has no sign of any kind and working out which of the doorways to go through is difficult. Compounding the problem was a reticence on the part of any of the souq traders to understand us when we asked where the hammam was.

Easy to enter?
Once we made it through the right door we were acknowledged.

Easy to understand what was on offer?
A guy on a mobile seemed to be in charge and in between puffs on a ciggie he pointed us at a dog eared menu of the facilities in the place.

Pricing:
After making it clear we wanted a bath and a massage the soap, the scrubbing mitt, the towels and post-hammam tea were all added extras which we only found out about when we paid

Welcome room
The entrance room is very grand indeed with a 30ft high ceiling and two separate main raised seating areas. Lush carpeting is soft underfoot. The coat hooks require at least one member of your party to be 6.6ft tall. The Kurdish guy who brought us towels and our peshtemel was exactly that height thankfully.

Facilities:
Entering through to the hammam itself was a little disappointing after the grandeur of the main room. There was a little wooden sauna cabin which was turned off. The two toilets were of the Eastern variety.

Turning left past the sauna you come into the shower room. Two showers had cold water only. The little massage room is off to one side.

Turning left again you enter the sink room. The steam room is opposite. The steam warms the room, which is only about the size of an average double bedroom. With sinks arranged around the outside of the room, this is where you wash and go about scrubbing yourself with your mitt. A couple of small rooms with one sink in each were off either side.

Massage:
The massage was done in a separate room to the hammam sinks and was administered on a foam covered plasticised bench. This made it a bit comfier than in other places but once the soapy water was being thrown over you, the bench became very slippery and you had to grip the sides to stop yourself sliding off!

The massage itself would best be described as short and fierce. Five minutes max with plenty of crunching and sudden vertebrae compressions.

Steam:
There was a tiny and intensely hot steam room at the back of the sink room. Opening the door you were greeted with a billow of scalding steam. Then in sitting down you could see the steam cloud accrue and edge lower and lower like a slowly collapsing ceiling. Standing up into the cloud to get out of the door stripped at least one layer of epidermis off the body!

Post hammam facilities:
On coming out of a hammam you always go through the same formality. The attendant brings a new towel and with a carefully timed whip replaces your damp peshtemel with a nice dry towel while retaining all modesty. You then get tucked up with a towel around the shoulders, a third which goes around your torso and finally you have your head wrapped about with a tea towel sized cotton sheet.

All of this is because the first thing you do after getting out of a hot bath is sweat profusely. The wrappings soak up all of this and when you have cooled down you are clean and fresh and ready to re-dress.

The Kurdish chap who was looking after us brought us hot and very sweet mint tea which helped pass the time wonderfully while we chatted about our experience.

No visit to Syria is complete without...

2011-01-19T00:01:00.003Z

No visit to Syria is complete without everyone telling you that no visit to Syria is complete without a visit to a hammam.

During the course of my week in Syria I went to four. And in reviewing them I have also remembered hammams that I went to in Baku and Tbilisi in August as well.

One thing that I found odd about all hammams is that the main rooms are generally wide open to the passing public. Imagine. There you are half dressed and trying to work out how to modestly exchange your trousers for a peshtemel (the light cloth sheet you wear into the hammam). When a mixed-gender party of German tourists stick their heads through the wide open door and begin a lengthy conversation about the opening hours with the fellow who runs the place.

Following on from my reviews of the swimming pools of Sydney from April, here are the hammams of 2010!

Damascus doesn’t have a skyline.

2011-01-18T23:54:00.007Z

Go on. I dare you.

Imagine in your mind’s eye what Damascus looks like; what the silhouetted skyline of Damascus looks like.

Nothing come to mind? That’s because nothing in the city stands out in that way.

We drove out of town onto one of the hills which overlooks the city. The view was spectacular. The whole of Damascus was laid out below us. The roads to Jordan and Palmyra were clear as ribbons to the horizons.

An enormous flag flew over the city on the top of an enormous flagpole.

But apart from that not a single feature really stood out. It took a few minutes of searching for us to find the Umayyad Mosque. But then the Umayyad is not meant to be something to be experienced from afar in awe. It is designed to draw you in. To appreciate the community and the detail of the place. The quiet opportunity for peaceful contemplation.

Damascus is a city where you go to pay attention to the detail.

The mosaic in the Umayyad. The range of aromatic spices in the souqs. The pomegranate juice served under the Roman arch. The 8000 year old hand carved statuette in the museum.

Iranian Tours: Follow The Balloon

2011-01-18T23:50:00.001Z

In the 1980s it was the red umbrella.

And maybe for the Japanese in multi-country tour groups of Europe it still is.

But for all-women Shia Muslim tour groups from Iran, you follow the red balloon.

And as we came closer to the Ummayad Mosque in the heart of the Old City the density of red balloons and the clouds of women following got thicker and thicker.

Cage The Children!

2011-01-18T23:41:00.001Z

I’m not sure I’d ever take a busman’s holiday…

…but there is always something pretty nice about bumping into a party of school children in a foreign country.

It’s nice to see how children behave the same the World over. I found something viscerally reassuring when I bumped into a school trip in North Korea.

Being waved at and waiting for one of the group to pick up the courage to shout “hello how are you” is always funny. Shouting “how are you back” never fails to raise gales of giggles from the kids.

So I found it a bit weird wandering around Damascus.

Because every now and again I could hear school children at play, and I’d turn a corner expecting to see a school playground only for the noise to disappear.

After a couple of occasions it occurred to me to look up. And there they were. The children of Damascus playing in cages on the rooves of their schools.

And even from this distance, the brave ones shouted “hello how are you”, and the shy ones waited til they thought no-one else was looking before giving a little wave.

This is where St Paul was converted to Christianity

2011-01-16T20:53:00.004Z

The road to Damascus.

It's well travelled what with Damascus having existed for the entirety of recorded history.

When you Walk the streets of the World's oldest inhabited city you are walking in a lot of footsteps.

Syria is proud to be a secular country. The Muslim Brotherhood was brutally put down when they tried to foment a governmental overthrow. Most Syrians we met were proud of their faith and proud of their tolerance towards the faith of others.

But Syria is not a country where people just believe in religion. Damascus is not just a city where people practise their faith.

I found my perspective on the bible changed somewhat when we were told "This archway is the one that St Paul knelt in as he was converted to Christianity. This is the altar where he had his first communion. This is the window in the city walls that St Paul escaped Damascus from".

The Bible is not a story to the people of Damascus. It is the story of their home, an ancient life lived around them.

It’s either the Security Ministry or a new Four Seasons

2011-01-16T20:38:00.006Z

Ah. It'a a new Four Seasons.

After strolling past the Damascus Railway Station (which see med to have been converted into a bookshop), and a beautiful Ottoman-era mosque we came across this looming building.

Reminiscent of MI6 in London I said "It's either the Security Ministry of a new Four Seasons.

On closer inspection it is in fact the new Four Seasons Hotel!

New Town Traffic

2011-01-16T20:26:00.003Z

A walk down Straight Street is a fun affair.

Hopping on and off the narrow pavement; weaving around the bollards scattered at knee-crippling height; dodging the mopeds laden down with goods. All fun.

But the traffic is not too much of a problem. The cars all go in one direction and they all go that way in single file.

Damascus does not just have an old town however. It also has a New Town. A very big New Town which also needs exploring.

And here the traffic is less accommodating. Less accommodating of pedestrians, and of other traffic. Crammed in like the proverbial sardines in a tin, the choking haze of fumes of the exhausts as you navigate the streets is a sharp contrast to the waves of spices you experience as you walk through the souq.

A looming presence

2011-01-16T20:04:00.003Z

President Assad. Father Of The Nation

A long time gone, his image was still present everywhere in Damascus.

Not perhaps as ever-present as portraits of Kim Il Sung in North Korea, but there were certainly more photos of President Assad the senior than there were of his son, who is now in charge.

Ice Cream Parlour

2011-01-16T19:29:00.004Z

So there I was soaking up the ambience of the souq...

When I noticed someone walk past me with a lovely looking ice cream, dripping in crushed and whole pistachio nuts.

Wow. Where had he got that from?

But I couldn't see anywhere so I kept walking; browsing in the windows; not looking too interested in any one thing in case the proprietor went off on one Marrakech-style; politely batting away enquiries about my level of interest in anything from tractor parts to brass coffee pots and women's lingerie.

Then I spotted a few more people walking past me, ice cream dribbling down remarkably generous sized waffle cones.

I looked past the mobile tea and coffee sellers; breathed in the exotic scents of the brewing cardamom and tried to look past the fezes of the guys standing in front of me. They do actually wear fezes in Damascus. But why not. Fezes are cool.

The numbers of people walking past with pistachio enhanced ice creams were now so large that I was able to see crushed and whole cashews dripping down the sides of the ice creams too.

And then as if in the eye of a hurricane they stopped. Suddenly there was no one walking towards me with an ice cream. And as I stopped to wonder what happened someone overtook me, carrying their ice cream, and I turned and realised I had just gone past the ice cream parlour.

Though how I could have missed it with the deafening clamour for ice cream and the queue strecthing out the door, I am not at all sure!

The French Influence on the Hamideyah Souq

2011-01-16T19:07:00.002Z

The French left their mark on Damascus.

In 1920 the French ended the brief Post-Ottoman spell of independence for Syria. In taking Damascus, the French air force strafed the Hamideyah Souq. The bullet holes have never been repaired. The roof never replaced.

Look carefully and you can see the holes... Standing at the end of the souq, the effect was quite mesmerising.

Fezes are cool...

2011-01-16T19:05:00.001Z

I wear a fez now!

The last series of Dr Who has a lot to answer for, but in the souq I did hold off the urge to grab a couple of fezes for the dressing up box!

Straight Street

2011-01-16T18:29:00.004Z

The Old Town of Damascus is cut in two by the Street Called Straight.

Running from the East to West gates, it passes by the point where St Paul arrived in Damascus. It passes the Ummayad Mosque, the third most important shrine in Islam and burial site of John The Baptist. The street runs through a Roman Arch and through the heart of the souq. A souq whose roof is riven with bullet holes having been strafed by the French airforce during their invasion.

To walk along Straight Street is to encompass in a few hours a foretaste of the breadth and range of Damascene and Syrian history.

But as you can see, even on straight street, some things are crooked!

Levantine Autumn

2011-01-16T17:17:00.005Z

To try to go everywhere and to see everything eventually is an impossible task.

No matter how far and wide I travel, there will be plenty that I never see and never experience. I know that. Trust me!

But a decade ago the penny dropped. I couldn’t sit back. I couldn’t complain that I felt like the only person I knew never to have been to Australia, or Prague if I hadn’t even tried to go there. I could not continue to never travel but complain about life passing me by because it was too hard. I had to get off my arse and just start going somewhere.

Then you see something amazing and then you pick up a great anecdote and then you plan for the next trip. And again, and again, and again.

And part of it was being 23 and suddenly starting to have some spare income for the first time. And some of it was just Carpe-ing the Diem come what may.

As I started to notch up the trips and colour in the countries on my map, the penny also dropped about five years ago that there are some places that you really do need to plan to visit. What do I mean by that?

Some of the countries I have visited have come as almost as an accident or a surprise. Realising that Mexico was a 20 minute drive away from San Diego and somewhere you could go for lunch... Bonus! The 2am petrol station stopover in Luxembourg, en route to skiing in Austria because there is no VAT in Luxembourg and the petrol is cheap... Bonus! Finding out Bratislava was a half hour journey down the Danube just at the point when I was finding Vienna boring... Bonus!

But as I sat in that Luxembourg petrol station in the early hours, it occurred to me that there were some places that I was never going to be ‘just driving past’. There were some places that needed real planning and some real determination to get to.

So 2007 saw three things.

The launch of my itty bitty teeny tiny countries of Europe tour; my booking to go to North Korea and my plan for a number of Levantine Autumns.

Having already been to Beirut 18 months earlier, it occurred to me to take on the rest of the Levant. Annual trips to a different country in the region would check off that part of the World in three visits. And October was such a great time of the year to go... Not as hot as the region can get but certain guaranteed late autumn warmth and unusual destinations. Sounded perfect.

And with the exception of one October spent visiting a friend in Bermuda I saw the plan through. And in 2010 I visited my last Levantine destination... Syria.

And surprise surprise! Syria is the fifth place I've been to which claims to have the World's tallest flagpole and the World's biggest flag!

Mother Armenia

2011-01-16T16:31:00.002Z

Mother Georgia offered wine and welcome...

...and the threat of the sword.

As Mother Armenia glowers across Yerevan towards the Turkish border there is no evidence of either wine or welcome.

A Light, Airy Soviet Monument

2011-01-16T16:25:00.001Z

At least they were consistent: The Soviets.

A massive great slab of concrete is the answer to all monumental and housing needs.

Yet here at least, in this monument to the Soviet Liberation of Armenia there is an attempt to give the concrete a light, floating sense of airiness. Supported as it is by just two slivers of concrete on either side, I’m not entirely sure if they pull it off.

The Cascades, Yerevan

2011-01-16T16:10:00.006Z

The Cascades in Yerevan is a multi-purpose wonder.

Monumental fountain: check

Northern anchor-point to the cross-Yerevan axis: check

Best place in the city for views across Yerevan and of Mt Ararat: check

Multi-level Modern Art Gallery: check

And unlike most modern art galleries, where the building overwhelms the paucity of content, there was actually some stuff worth looking at here.

My advice though: Take the escalator up the inside and then walk down the stairs outside!

Hello Old Friend!

2011-01-16T16:05:00.002Z

When I was in Vancouver last year I came across a statue by Jaume Plensa.

I was surprised to find the same statue a year later in the centre of Yerevan.

The Temple Of Garni

2011-01-16T15:41:00.001Z

Another afternoon, another legacy of another Empire.

From Geghard to Garni. On the drive back to Yerevan we stopped off at the Temple of Garni.

It is thought that Emperor Nero funded the construction of this temple after the King of Armenia paid a tribute visit to Rome. A beautifully perfect classical temple, it is perched high on a cliff overlooking a strategic curve in a river.

The whole complex also has the ruins of a basilica and a hypocaust complete with mosaics of dolphins. It comes too with another tale of Armenian ducking and diving.

When Armenia converted to Christianity it is said that the local Priestess convinced the monarch of the time to spare her temple in return for her convincing the local population to convert. The monarch agreed, the population converted peacefully and the Temple was spared.

Geghard Monastery

2011-01-16T15:24:00.002Z

Another lunch, another monastery church.

Geghard is a beautiful complex. A maze of rooms on the ground floor have been nestled into the Cliffside to venerate a spring of water which flows from the rock.

A second storey has been hewn out of the mountain. At one point there is a tiny hole in the floor of the second storey which allows you to see down into the ground floor.

The extraordinary thing about this hole is the acoustic opportunity it provides. If you stand in one precise spot in the second floor and sing, the whole of the church is filled with the sound.

After taking a good four or five minutes for anyone in our group to pick up the nerve to sing, we then all took it in turns to run downstairs and hear this astonishing effect for ourselves.

Truly a small moment of bliss.

How To Read An Armenian Gravestone

2011-01-16T14:59:00.004Z

Every gravestone in Armenia tells a story.

No “Here lies so and so, wise father, good husband" replete with dates.

Armenia goes instead for pictograms to explain the life and death of the people interred.

One gravestone showed a man stabbed in the back. The man was surrounded by tools of the smithing trade, so he would have been a respected tradesman. There was also a picture of a crying woman carved into the stone. You might interpret that here was a wife concerned for her future now her husband was gone. We were told not. This representation meant she was beaten by her husband and it was she who stabbed him in the back!

The gravestone shown is for two people, who are in the top left hand corner of the gravestone.

Can you see how the middle of the stone shows their wedding day with a table laden with food and surrounded by many amphorae of alcohol.

The bottom left corner shows a man on horseback. The pony tail of hair coming from the centre of the top of his head shows him to be a Mongol horseman.

One figures shown in the middle bottom is shown only from the waist down. In the bottom right corner the second figure has the top half of their head missing. This tells us that the bridal couple were hacked to pieces by the Mongol.

Fascinating stuff.

How to stop a Persian Invasion

2011-01-16T14:58:00.003Z

Another Armenian historical site. Another tale of Armenia ducking and weaving it’s way through history.

Next we visited a graveyard.

On more than one occasion when invading Persian armies had hove into view on the horizon the gravestones in this town had been draped in sheets and had spears propped against them.

Resembling an army from a distance, the Persians retrested and ransacked somewhere else instead.

Lake Severan

2011-01-16T14:55:00.002Z

Lake Severan lies a few miles further East of Yerevan than it used to.

An irrigation scheme has drained part of the lake and the level has dropped significantly. And so we found ourselves driving through a waterfront resort that now has no seafront. But which has a lot of rusted waterpark equipment and collapsing abandoned hotels.

And we found ourselves driving to the Severan Monastary which had been on an island, but which is now attached to the mainland.

Noravanq And The Wannabe Millionaire

2011-01-16T14:53:00.002Z

I should be a millionaire by now.

I know this because I made my wish very specific. I wished to win the Lottery jackpot by Christmas 2010. The coin I threw into the wishing well landed on the very narrow lip, where it had to land for my wish to be granted. It’s January 2011. I’m not a millionaire. I think this may have been superstitious nonsense.

On the other hand that’s good. At another church I failed to lodge a coin in the crevice of a cliff face. My wish for the UK to win Eurovision in any year before 2020 looked to be all over. But not now. Now the UK has a chance!

Noravanq

2011-01-16T14:49:00.002Z

A great thing about the tour excursions were the lunches.

Lunches both days were had with local families and Armenian food is wonderful! Each day we enjoyed a fantastic mixture of gorgeous stuffed vegetables, grilled meats and delicious dips and salads.

After lunch we headed up to Noravanq.

Noravanq is another church which survived the ravages of war through the careful use of a chisel. This time when the Mongols were heard to be heading towards Noravanq the face of Jesus was altered to have Mongol eyes. It was presented to the invading hordes as a temple to Genghis Khan and it was not razed.

Because ascending towards heaven should not be easy, the steps to the second tier of the church are narrow. Tremendously narrow. Climbing up was oddly nerve-wracking.

When I’ve done Bungee Jumps, Parachute Jumps and Base Jumps, I have not felt very nervous. But then it’s not the 5000ft of freefall that I worry about. It’s the last 20-potentially-ankle-breaking-feet that scare the be-jaysus out of me!

The room at the top of the stairs was beautiful and very peaceful. And the views back down the valley were stunning.

Khor Virap and The Pit

2011-01-03T15:02:00.001Z

How would you cope in a pit with snakes and scorpions?

For 10 years?

Without food?

Well somehow St Gregory The Illuminator managed exactly that. Marina speculated that perhaps there had been fewer scorpions and perhaps more food than the legends suggest.

But it was the case that the pit under Khor Virap was used as a cell for Gregory.

Climbing down the ladder I can say that it is very deep and dark.

At the bottom of the pit was a family. The children of who were in their very early twenties I would say. As I stepped off the bottom rung I was asked if I was Armenian. They were Canadian I guessed.

“No. I’m from London. I’m British”.
“Yes. We’re Canadian. But are you Armenian?”
“No. Just British”.
“Oh.” And they turned their back on me!

Mount Ararat And The Armenian Genocide

2011-01-03T14:57:00.002Z

Khor Virap is the Armenian Church closest to Mount Ararat.

This means it has a particularly special place in the hearts of Armenians as Mount Ararat is revered as the sacred mountain of Armenia. Biblically famous as the site where Noah’s Ark came to rest, Mt Ararat looms over the Armenian capital.

Yet the great tragedy for Armenia is that Mt Ararat is not in Armenia at all any more. Instead it is part of Turkey, who took over these lands in the early twentieth Century and who emptied it of Armenians in a programme of genocide during World War One.

A great deal of what is now Eastern Turkey was once populated by Armenians. What the Ottoman Empire was going to do with this mutinous population as World War One broke out was known as ‘The Armenian Question’. Remember? The UK used to have an Irish one of those.

As one Turkish general put it at the time. “No Armenians, no Armenian question.”

A campaign of forced marches for women and children and concentration camps for the men reduced the land area of Armenia, brought Mout Ararat into Turkey and drastically reduced the population as people died or fled.

The issue of caling this a genocide is a contentious one internationally at the moment. Turkey denies that what happened was a genocide. Armenia’s diaspora is campaigning hard to have it recognised as such around the World. This is a campaign which is being met with mixed responses by Armenians in Armenia.

Last year Turkey and Armenia were very close to opening their border, something which would boost trade and growth and benefit Armenia. The Armenian diaspora lobby in the US persuaded Congress in Washington to pass a bill officially declaring the events of 1915 as a genocide. As a diplomatic response Turkey withdrew from the arrangement with Armenia and the border remains closed. This is a state of affairs which draws some criticism in Armenia. People living in the country question who the diaspora are really benefitting with their campaign.

Khor Virap is a place of pilgrimage for all visiting diasporans and Armenians. It is as close to Mt Ararat as they can reach.

The Ancient Capital Of Armenia

2011-01-03T14:48:00.003Z

We drove on from Echimiadzin to the border with Turkey.

Just by the no mans land we were led up a hill. This provided wonderful views of Mt Ararat and the fertile plain that lay all around. To the East were the mountains that separated Armenia from Azerbaijan. It was a beautiful spot.

Once we had drunk in the splendour of our surroundings Marina, our tour leader drew our attention to the ground around us.

We were standing in the middle of the ancient capital of Armenia, back from the time in the 5th Century when Armenia stretched half way across modern Turkey and even had a foothold on the Mediteranean coast. The hills we had climbed over were perhaps mounds instead, full of archeological riches.

And when you started to look closely at the ground suddenly all you could see was broken pottery. Fragments of bowls, whole handles of ewers and amphorae. All laying there, waiting for an archaeologist to come and unveil their secrets.

Echimiadzin and the Palace of the Catholicos

2011-01-03T14:46:00.002Z

The Catholicos is the Armenian equivalent of the Pope.

“Even into the 1960s, the Catholicos lived with the monks. Proving that they were all working together and no-one was any better than anyone else.”

“Through those gates you can see the Palace that the current Catholicos resides in”.

Draw your own conclusions!

Echimiadzin and The Prince Of Persia

2011-01-03T14:42:00.001Z

Echimiadzin is to the Armenian Church what the Vatican is to Catholicism

Yet I am not sure that will find a carving of Jesus Christ anywhere on St Peter’s Cathedral in the Vatican that has a Persian beard and crown.

On one of the occasions when the Persian army was cutting a swathe across Armenia and burning all evidence of Christianity, the Head of the Church ordered that the main carving of Jesus above the entrance to Echimiadzin be changed. A Persian beard and crown were fashioned from the rock and as the Persian army arrived they were persuaded that the building had been built for the greater glory of the Shah of Persia.

The building was left in one piece, though not quite as it was before.

The costs of saying no

2011-01-03T14:40:00.002Z

Armenia is in a tough neighbourhood.

Over the days in Armenia it became clear that this is a country that has had to bob and weave and duck and dive it’s way through history.

Armenia was one of the first countries to convert to Christianity and their story of national struggle is tightly intertwined with this faith. The country has many churches with some dating back to the 6th and 7th Centuries and all of them have a story to tell.

Just outside Yerevan for example is one church dedicated to the memory of a Nun who was wooed by two Kings. Turning them both down in turn because she was married already to God, she was brutally tortured and murdered for her faith. Her remains were in the crypt of this quiet church on the road to Zvartnots.

The Envoy Hostel, Yerevan

2011-01-03T14:39:00.002Z

While the Caucusus had been a fantastically interesting place to visit it had to be admitted that it was not really set up for mass tourism or back packing travellers.

Accommodation in Baku is definitely aiming itself at the oil executive end of the business market. This drags up the prices of all accommodation as nice 3 star hotels are able to price themselves as 4star plus venues because often it is the oil companies that are picking up the tab.

Tbilisi just doesn’t have a lot of accommodation. Our place in Tbilisi was even nicer than the one in Baku but the street it was on was half dug up and on a back street in the Old Town. All the ‘front streets’ were dug up and the buildings covered in scaffolding.

So it was great to come across a brilliantly professionally run hostel in Yerevan.

The Envoy Hostel was a well run clean place with free internet and breakfast and really welcoming and friendly people on the front desk. They have also recently set up a tour company which offers day excursions around different Armenian sites. Looking at the itineraries it was clear that they offered far more than we could possibly organise for ourselves in a day using public transport, so we signed up to a couple. And subsequently enjoyed the best few days of our time in the Caucusus.

EPEBAH means Yerevan

2011-01-02T14:05:00.001Z

St Cyril has a lot to answer for.

E when it is not preceded by a consonant is Ye
P is R
E when preceded by a consonant is E
B is V
A is A
H is N

EPEBAH is Yerevan... And this is the Martrushka that would take us to country 82: Armenia.

Martrushkas are an interesting way of organising transport. They do not run to a timetable but go when they are full. LP said that five a day run from Tbilisi to Yerevan and that they went roughly on the hour from 8am til midday. Thankfully we ignored their advice and arrived at quarter to 8am to find the first Martrushka was full and the second (and last) one would leave at 8:30.

As the trains were all sold out with Armenians returning from their holidays on the Georgian coast, this would have been a truly nasty surprise.

Viva Las Vegas 2

2011-01-02T13:49:00.000Z

Georgians do love their bling

Facing the Presidential Palace which sits on a hill to the East is the TV Tower.

It is a pretty commanding structure during the day. And then they light it up like a Christmas Tree at night. And then the lights all shimmer.

There was no way I could offer to hold my camera still long enough for an unblurred shot, so instead I went for the full on light stream effect!

The Narikala Fortress

2011-01-02T13:37:00.000Z

Every self respecting capital needs a Medieval Fortress

The Narikala Fortress dominates the skyline to the South of Tbilisi.

The climb up to it is a steep one.

For some reason I didn't take any pictures of it during the day. This is the least blurry night time one!

The Fortress is a renovation project waiting to happen. As you arrive an old crone comes scampering out from under a tarpaulin and demands money. Whether this is for entrance or just a woman who has spotted easy prey in confused tourists I am still not sure.

When you are through the gate the Fortress has two attractions.

The first is a church in the squareish Georgian style. It was locked.

The second is the rampart wall of the fortress, which is all that remains. You can climb up onto the ramparts and walk along them. The wall is left only on two sides of the church and parts of it have hand rails. The views are wonderful, but also nerve wracking!

For the brave you can climb out onto the other 90% of the wall that extends away from the church and all the way along the ridge. We spent one meal in a rooftop restaurant wondering whether the man who had made it all the way to the end of the wall was there to jump or just contemplating the view. He was alternatively stood with his legs dangling over the edge or standing under the crucifix. After an hour he was seen crawling on his hands and knees back to the start.

Fun Finding The Funicular Part 2

2011-01-02T13:28:00.003Z

After the 40 degree heat of Baku the drizzle was very welcome!

On our second day we went for a long walk up to the castle and then back down around the back of the Old Town.

Walking along the Southern ridge we had spied the Botanical Gardens to our left and to the right we could see the rest of the city. To the West side of Tbilisi we could see the TV Tower and the National Memorial, pictured. We could see from our guidebook that they could be reached by funicular. You can even see the point where the funicular widens for passing in this shot too! We made this the goal of our walk.

Finding the station proved to be easier than in Baku, though the walk was a long one and strenuous in places as it involved walking up and down many hilly streets.

Tbilisi is a pretty city. A little shabby in places, but charming and welcoming for those prepared to stroll a little of the main track.

As I have said before though Tbilisi is renovating, and the funicular proved to be no exception. Oh how the security guards laughed as we asked where to buy a ticket. Their levity gave me a chance to look through the gate to see that the funicular had no tracks and no train.

Just the old route and a new ticket office.

When I tried to ask if it was possible to walk up to the National Memorial I thought the security guard was going to suffocate from laughing. When he calmed down he pointed us in the way of a taxi.

Tbilisi Botanical Gardens

2011-01-02T13:18:00.002Z

A stroll in the Botanical Gardens sounded lovely

Tbilisi is spread over several gorges and mountains around the River Mehteki. One of these gorges, right in the middle of the city has been given over to a Botanical Garden. It looked enticing as we walked above it so that afternoon we found our way to the entrance.

Given the mania gripping Tbilisi for rebuilding at the moment getting to the gate was something of a trial. The entire street that leads up to the entrance was being dug up and half the houses being refurbished. The scene was one of piles of stone, stacks of piping and timber being sliced and diced i the open. No-one looked the least bit perturbed as we clambered through.

The gardens were worth the effort though. Beautifully laid out with a waterfall at one end, they take full advantage of the steep slopes on either side of the gorge which encloses them. There are hidden paths and bridges leading off in all directions. It was a pleasantly quiet experience.

The park was pretty quiet. The only other people there seemed to be couples out for a stroll too. I found out some were there for more than courting. As I walked up one set of steps I was greeted at the top of them by the sight of a man with his back to me jumping up and pulling his trousers up over his exposed backside. He and his girlfriend has made their way off the path for a little lie down it seemed.

Georgian Hospitality

2011-01-02T13:16:00.002Z

All these Empires passing over and through...

Perhaps that's why the Georgians are so hospitable!

By the river at the edge of the Old Town are three streets jam packed with bars, cafes and restaurants.

And at the entrance to the area sits this happy fellow.

Abanotubani

2011-01-02T12:45:00.003Z

By the edge of the Old Town is the Bath District, Abanotubani.

The façade of this hammam bath house, the Oberliani speaks of a Persian influence and acts as another reminder that the Caucusus region has been the traded plaything of the Empires of others.

Surrounding it are many more in the Turkish design, taking advantage of the hot springs that bubble up here.

St George in Georgia

2011-01-02T12:40:00.004Z

They know how to treat a Saint with respect

When I was travelling through the Balkans a few years ago it amused me to see that Zagreb and Belgrade are host to identical statues of St George. Stark naked and writhing with a snake, the positioning and scale of the statues is identical to the one in Baku.

But Georgia idolise St George so much they named their country after him. They love him so much more than the English, that the St George cross appears not once on their flag, but five times!

So their St George is in gold

On a massive column.

On a horse

In armour.

Azerbaijani St George

2011-01-02T12:38:00.003Z

St George is a popular figure

Before we get to see how Georgia treats the man who they named their country after, let's look at Azerbaijan.

Note the turban and the loincloth. A St George dressed with due consideration of the customs and mores of this host country.

Mother Georgia

2011-01-02T12:36:00.002Z

Overlooking Tbilisi, Mother Georgia.

A glass of wine in one hand and a sword in the other.

You are very welcome to come and enjoy our hospitality she says.

But have a go at us and we’ll cleave your head off your shoulders!

Imagine if the Thames had a gorge

2011-01-02T12:32:00.002Z

An unusual feature for a city.

I found it quite hard to get a grip on the geography of Tbilisi from the map before we arrived. Being in the city I understood better why that was so. Built at the bottom of a steep sided valley the city can’t be understood without the sense of height.

And at the heart of the city, running between the Old City and the Mehteki Church, the river funnels through a steep sided gorge.

It gives Tbilisi a fairly unique topgography. I'm not sure I'd fancy living in one of those houses supported by stilts though!

Viva Las Vegas!

2011-01-02T12:28:00.003Z

Tbilisi is a work in progress.

Arriving into Tbilisi railway station the platforms are potholed and the stairs to take you to the main building of the station are broken edged dark and dank.

The building at the front of the station though is brand new. A vision of escalators, marble and steel with shops and a huge ‘travel centre’ in place of a ticket office.

Across Tbilisi you seem the same contrast time and again. New buildings going up alongside derelict Soviet concrete blocks. Wooden buildings in the Old City being refaced with new timber.

The ultimate in gaudy Georgian renovation is the Presidential Palace. Faced in gold and glass and adorned with something designed to look like the Dome on The Reichstag, the Palace stands on one of the highest points overlooking Tbilisi.

Whether it would be more at home on The Strip, I will leave for you to decide.

Baku - Tbilisi

2011-01-02T12:21:00.002Z

The overnight train to Tbilisi was a classic Soviet-era train.

No air conditioning.

A boiling samovar at each end of the carriage.

Way too many curtains for comfort and the window in our carriage was nailed shut.

Nonetheless we got some sleep and the border crossing into Georgia was well into the next morning. This meant there were no unpleasant 4am intrusions from border officials still playing out their role in the Cold War.

Bathroom Etiquette

2011-01-02T12:19:00.001Z

I’m just off to the Kisi.

Going to the gents in Azerbaijan.

I’ll leave the innuendo to others.

the Qobustan Petroglyphs

2011-01-02T12:17:00.003Z

The shapes were what he said they were.

If you squinted you could see a camel or a pregnant woman or people rowing a boat. And at Qobustan there are lots of these petroglyphs to see.

The supposed ages I am less convinced by.

I am too ignorant to understand how you can date a scratch on a rock at all, let alone say that it is 8,000, 15,000, 30,000 years old.

I am no less sceptical than when I visited Eritrea and was presented with 19000 year old cave paintings.

I’ll have to read up on it.

A Corner Of Some Foreign Field...

2011-01-02T12:10:00.004Z

In 1918 Britain opened an Eastern front against the Ottoman Empire

While the assault on Galipoli was the crucible in which a sense of Australian and New Zealand national identity was forged, and in which 26,000 British troops died, a less well known attack on the Ottomans was launched from the East.

General Lionel Dunsterville was despatched from India. Crossing overland through modern day Iran, the British and Punjabi troops were to defend Baku, which was a place of turmoil since the collapse after the revolution of the Russian Empire.

Faced with a Turkish force of 14,000, the Brits were forced out of Baku, but returned with the collapse of the Ottoman Empire at the end of the war, months later.

The War Memorial is not popular locally. Azeris saw their Turkish ethnic kinsmen as a liberation force, and the British as occupiers. The memorial is respected and well kept and it was an interesting and surprising find which broadened my knowledge of a conflict I had presumed to be familiar with.

A Eurovision Aside

2011-01-02T12:08:00.001Z

Because I can link almost anything to the Eurovison

Just in case you were thinking that the Azeri-Armenian conflict was not serious.

Just in case you were thinking the Eurovision Song Contest is just a trivial laugh.

In August 2008, the Azeri Police arrested and questioned all 43 Azeris who called or texted the number to vote for the Armenian Eurovision entry. Voters were accused of being ‘unpatriotic’ and a threat to national security. They had to sign statements saying they lacked ethnic pride.

1065 Armenians voted for Azerbaijan, apparently without consequence.

For the record, Azerbaijan finished 3rd while Armenia finished 10th.